Tuesday, October 17, 2006

For me

The time is getting short. On Friday morning I will be flying to Chicago to participate in my third marathon (my first in a year and a half).

I am excited but I am also a little nervous.

I am not where I could be. There are so many things I could have done better in my training, but you know what - it is okay. I know I will never be the fastest runner. I will be happy to just be a middle of the pack person versus a back of the pack person. I am starting to come to grips with that. I might even start logging my pace and letting you see it (especially now that I have my Garmin!!). Baby steps!!

This past Saturday was my final long run (10 miles) and I think I did pretty well. I even received a couple compliments on how well I have improved and one on my nice looking calves!! I ran strong and it felt good. I have a lot of improving to do - speed, walk breaks and poundage. But with the cooler months approaching I think things will start falling into place. This is good. Because there is so much I would like to do.

I started my journey into running wanting to lose weight. Which I did (and which I gained back after breaking my toe!). I then decided to try a triathlon and then next after that was a century ride. Well my next adventure is a half-ironman, and maybe one of these days a full!! Some people wonder about my sanity, but most of them are not into this running, biking and swimming stuff.

It seems like I have always been battling my weight. But looking back, what I have really been doing is try to look good for other people. There seems to have always been someone criticizing the way I look since I have hit puberty. Friends, family, random people on the street, you name it. And it has not always been my weight that they have commented on. And you know the worst part - I didn't look bad, I actually looked pretty darn good (what I wouldn't give to have the body I did back in high school!).

I know – some of you are saying deal with it. But that is sometimes hard to do when you are 13, 15, 17 years old and trying to fit in with all your peers.

Through the years I have always said "I will show them, I will lose this weight and look so good they are going to regret how they treated me." But the reality was, I went on a diet, lost some weight, went off the wagon, and gained it back with some extra.

But you know what? I am finally realizing I shouldn’t be changing my body for other people. I should be changing it for myself. Yeah, I know, took long enough!!

But that is finally where I am. I want to change for myself. And you know why?

So I can be faster in the swim, faster on the bike, and faster on the run.

So I can run a 5K without having to take a walk break, and then eventually a 10K and then...

So I can run a sub 30 minute 5K, and then a sub 27, then maybe even a sub 24.

So I can finish a marathon in less than 5 hours, then under 4 and a half.

So I can have an average speed of 20 mph on the bike during a triathlon.

So I can look good in a wetsuit!!

I still have a lot of demons (in my own mind) to overcome, but I will get there. I will succeed. But most importantly I am not going to do it for someone else,

I am going to do it for me!


Erin said...

I know all too well about those little demons. I'm still fighting with them. Maybe you'll inspire me. :)

bunnygirl said...

Not much point worrying what other people think, because there will always be someone's ideal you're not living up to.

Being strong, healthy, and happy in your own skin is what really makes a person attractive to anyone worth knowing. And who cares what the superficial jerks and idiots think?

TX Runner Girl said...

Great post. I am a victim to the demons as well. I have been battling with my weight for as long as I can remember. The only expectation you have to live up to is yours! BTW, You are going to do GREAT in Chicago!!!!

Sarah said...

I've also been battling my weight for my entire life. It was only after starting to run that I finally started to feel better about myself. I may not be the skinniest girl around, but I can run, swim, bike, and am fitter than most people I know. That's good enough for me.

GOOD LUCK this weekend!

Bolder said...

do it for me!

no, no... you were right the first time -- do it for you.

afterall, you are the only who can make it happen for yourself.

good running in Chicago!!!

LoneStarCrank said...

The demons and challenge of it all make the finish - and getting there - that much better.

Happy trails getting to the finish in Chicago!